The Learning Curve
by J.D. Castle
Summary: This picks up where Always ends. It's about the possible journey of things moving forward, both for Caskett and the fallout from the events of Always. It's AU for after Always since I have no idea what season 5 will bring. SQUEE!
1. Baseline

Baseline

They didn't talk. Leading him into his bedroom there isn't a need. The warmth of Rick's hand surrounding hers, the hungry and amazed look in his eyes says more than words ever could. She understands his amazement. She has her own sense of astonishment going on. Hours ago she'd been facing her death. Now she's holding hands with Rick, her mouth swollen from his kisses, her emotional walls stripped away, and about to bare her body to him as well. There have been so many nights she's woken up from dreams of this, of being with him, only to find herself alone in a tangle of sheets

She stops at the side of his bed. Rick's breathing is still heavy from their kissing, his eyes a deep smokey blue. He's drinking her in, his attention going from her eyes, to her mouth, her chest, and back to her eyes. However, aside from his hand holding hers, he doesn't try and touch her. He is waiting for her, holding back. She's never realized just how much he _has _held back: not until the explosive passion of him slamming her into the door and the fire of his mouth on hers made it crystal clear. Even as he'd unbuttoned her shirt, kissed the scar of the bullet that had nearly killed her, he'd started pulling back again, hesitating. The feel of his lips there still burning, she'd been the one to put his hand on her breast, needing him to know it was what she wanted too.

Watching Rick through lowered lashes, she finishes unzipping her still damp shirt. A quick shrug of her shoulders has it peeled off and it falls to the floor. With a tiny smile she unsnaps the front clasps of her bra and it joins her shirt. Castle makes a sudden exhale, heavy and loud.

"Kate..."

Closing the distance between them she starts unbuttoning his shirt, letting her fingers brush against his chest with each button.

His sharp breathing increases as she pushes the shirt off his shoulders, lets her breasts graze across his chest. He gasps, but then pulls back.

"Kate..."

His eyes are tearing up and his lips are pressed together tightly.

"Rick -"

"What did he do?"

Rick's voice is almost a whisper and it takes her a moment to realize he's looking at her torso. There's more light in his bedroom and she'd forgotten how black and blue the left side must be...probably a bruise when he socked her in the gut as well. Her back, too, she'd been thrown enough times. Possibly there's some bruising around her neck and collar bone... She doesn't want to think about this, not now. The medics had checked her out and nothing is broken, so she goes for being blase and hopes he'll drop it.

"We fought. He won.

His hand reaches out, ghosts a big purple spot across from her navel.

"You said you almost died."

"Not from the fighting. Although, he could have killed me there if he wanted to. You were right. I didn't know what I was up against."

"I shouldn't -"

"Don't Rick. If you'd been there..."

Kate remembers calling for him, hanging by a thread, wanting him there. However, now, thinking of the sniper's ruthlessness, the way nothing she did phased him...

"...He would have killed you, Castle. And then you'd never know how much, how long...

The thought of that man with his hands on Castle, of herself hanging off that building, and seeing _his_ body fall... She doesn't want to cry again, so instead she pulls him to her, crashes her lips against his. Instantly his arms are around her and he's kissing her back. When they break apart for air Rick lets one hand climb up her side and cup her breast. She gasps in pleasure at the unexpected touch. Her hands drop to his belt without thought, driven by the need to get him undressed, to touch him, to be with him...

They don't really talk again for quite a while, although Castle does...talk. He asks if she likes where he's touching her, and when she touches him he says when things feel good - which is is basically everything. When it's REALLY good, so good he can barely breath, Kate hears him murmur "Baby." She smiles at that. Somehow, knowing he'd never call her that if he wasn't going out of his mind makes the endearment okay...sweet actually.

She doesn't talk at all. Words are his thing, not hers, and the sensation overload has turned that part of her brain off. At best she's got vowels, "ah" & "oh" - an occasional "I." She's all soft sighs, loud moans, and keening cries. Although when he's french kissing between her thighs, tongue inside her as his lips suck that little pink tip, she does say, "Castle" over and over until she screams it, hands on his head, hips arched up, and her entire body quivering.

That's when he flips them over so she's on top, and she's able to (finally) have him inside her. It doesn't take long after that. They move together perfectly, slow then fast, slow grind, fast thrust.

"I'm so fucking close, Kate."

Kate smiles briefly at his rough-voiced whisper as they stare into each other's eyes. She wants him to see it this time, and rotates her hips, her "Oh..." soft on her lips. He thrusts up again, hard. Kate pushes down and finds another word. She moans, "harder," so he grips her ass as he moves, the angle taking him deeper. Faster, harder, over and over...it's perfect, and too much. Kate arches and screams as Rick is groaning, stuttering her name, releasing into her.

Collapsing on top of him, her face fits perfectly between his neck and shoulder. She doesn't realize she's crying, crying hard, until Castle's voice breaks through to her.

"Where does it hurt, Kate? God, I'm sorry, we - "

"I'm. Not. Hurt."

She manages to get that out, the tears still flowing down her face. Kate isn't in physical pain; there are way too many endorphins and "happy" hormones running through her system for that. It's an emotional overload causing her tears. All of the events and feelings that went with them are swirling through her too quickly too name - all except for her overwhelming love for Castle and her happiness at being in his arms. She kisses his neck before pushing herself up to look at him. He's all concerned eyes, and she doesn't want that.

Smoothing his hair back she manages a tremulous smile.

"I've dreamt about this, wanted this, wanted us. So much, Rick. It just..."

"Feels surreal? Like you'll blink, wake up and find it's just another dream?"

"Yeah."

Rick chuckles, kisses her, and then laughs.

"Me too!" He kisses her again, flips them so she's beneath him, and then starts blowing wet raspberries along her neck and chest, all while seeking out places where she might be ticklish.

"Castle! What are you -"

Kate starts laughing and squirming as he finds a spot right below her ribs.

"RICK! Stop it!"

She grabs for his hand, but his lower body has her effectively pinned. Still laughing she slides a hand in his armpit and tickles back. Castle yelps and starts laughing too. They wrestle for a bit before he yells.

"Apples, Apples!"

He rolls off her onto his side - still laughing and trying to catch his breath. Kate is too, but mock scowls at him.

"Rick, what the hell was THAT?"

"Tickling. What, you never -"

Kate smacks his chest.

"You know what I mean!"

"No need to get violent, Dectective."

It flashes through her; she's not a dectective anymore.

"Kate?"

Rick props his head up on his hand, his blue eyes clear and curious.

"Why the tickling, Castle."

He pauses, before giving her a wry half smile.

"I figured a tickling session was never part of either of our dreams, so -"

They finish his sentence together.

"- this is definitely real."

_Oh, Rick..._ Kate's thought remains unfinished as she lets herself fall into the darkening blue of his gaze, brushes her fingers against the slight stubble on his cheek.

"I want you again."

She whispers it, breathless, her hand already pulling him down for a kiss.

"I can arrange that."

Kate smirks at him.

"And I can give you a hand."

He chuckles, then gasps against her mouth; her other hand has slipped south and found him.

Pretty soon she's got him murmuring "Baby" again. However, he's also stopped her from talking.


	2. After Always

After Always...

Castle arms are wrapped around Kate, his breathing quiet and steady. Kate's snuggled up to him, her hand resting on his chest, her cheek against his shoulder. She's unsure if he's asleep for the night or just having the male after-sex nap. Either way she's grateful to have time to pull herself together and think. Crying after sex? So not what she does. Then again, this day has been filled with firsts; why should she be surprised? Still, of all the things to shed tears over, being with Rick shouldn't even make the list. So why had she? Beckett's mind seizes onto the puzzle and begins to lay out the facts.

First of all, nothing in her life has prepared her for this. Her past lovers have been men she met and started dating soon after. The sex usually happened within weeks. She's far from being a virgin, but four years of burning longing, including two years of knowing & denying she loved him...now she understands a bit that ancient ritual of waiting until marriage. It's to blow the couple's mind on their wedding night.

Of course, there's also the love factor. She's never been in love, at least not like this. Rick Castle is her one and done. She'd tried to deny she'd been falling for him after his fling with the starlette. How could she be falling for someone so easily seduced, so...naive? Demming had been the perfect distraction, only not quite... She still doesn't like to think about that moment when he left with Gina, that feeling that she'd been right all along: the man had a short attention span and she'd never be enough.

"I've been right here! " That's what he'd said. She can mostly agree with that, certainly since Gina. When he came back from the Hamptons it was easy to hide her hurt in the relationship with Josh. Staying away from Rick...not so easy. She could have just banished him from the precinct that fall, only she couldn't do it. She'd thought they could just be friends...but then they'd kissed undercover and the memory of it began to haunt her dreams. Then in L.A...she'd almost cheated on Josh. The guilt made her try harder. In retrospect she should have just ended it then. Instead...

God, how had he stood it and still showed up for her, for them? He'd showed more jealousy over his protege writer, than for Josh. She'd felt horrible with every woman he even looked at... Maybe because, unlike her, he hadn't been trying to deny his feelings? She, after all, was the one with the wall. She HAD been the one with the wall. One that Dr. Burke had made her see she'd started building the night her mom had been murdered.

Yet, Castle had still gotten in. With his silliness and sugar-rushed charm, his books his words, his friendship and caring...and coffee. Coffee...just to see her smile. The depth of his love for her, his patience - a word she never thought she'd use to describe him - she'd seen that with her parents, with Roy and Evelyn...no, not going there.

Rick is the kind of love she'd always dreamed of. Sure, she'd been furious about his trying to protect her as if she was Alexis. Still, in the end he HAD told her what he'd done and let her go discover the truth the hard way. God, she wished she could take that moment back, but old habits die hard. She's always been stubborn and hates feeling anything is trying to control her...and she'd nearly died because of it, because she's let what they did to her mom CONTROL her.

She thinks about it now and wonders at his strength. Could she have let him...or anyone, go do something that would likely get them killed? The closest she'd come is watching him ride off with Slaughter, and even then she'd kept her eye on him... She certainly hadn't told him that she'd be doing that. Then again she hadn't tried to stop him either. Could she have...

Sighing, she lifts up a bit so she can see his face. There really is no point in second guessing herself - or him. Out of love they'd both done what they thought was best to keep the other safe. If she's held any doubts about his love for her, tonight obliterated them. She'd walked away from his love, hadn't even really listened to his fear and what the scenario he was describing meant. He wasn't Montgomery, protecting her to atone for a mistake; he just was trying to...protect her. "If you care anything for me at all." The words haunt her now. How could she have just let him go?

Yet, despite all of that, he'd let her back in, heard her out, and forgiven her. That alone was more than proof enough, but then there is the sex. Sex by itself can be intense, but sex with Rick is beyond intense. It's expansive, consuming, explosive, sweet...words seem inadequate. The closest is simply making love...until tonight the term hadn't made much sense to her. That's what it is though. Her memory is flashing images of them together, and of the way he looked when she'd first kissed him.

God, he's so helpless in how he wants her... She's never understood the depths of his desire in all the years of teasing. That kiss under cover had caught her off guard, so she hadn't completely taken in his reaction. Her own arousal had blindsided her so that she'd actually forgotten where they were and why - and that was before she'd dived in for the second one, the one where the heat had shot through to her core, made her wet, made her moan against his mouth. She hadn't noticed his awed look until after she'd taken the guard out. That she'd shut down quickly because she was dating Josh and if they talked about it she'd have to own that the kiss was more than just a tactical diversion. She hadn't been ready for that.

"What are you thinking about?"

His voice startles her as he'd spoken his eyes still closed. Now he blinks them open, and she's looking into his soft and sleepy blue eyes.

"Didn't mean to wake you."

"You think pretty loudly."

She rolls her eyes at that, but with a smile, all while running her fingers through his hair.

"Maybe I'm just admiring your ruggedly handsome face."

"Not that I can't see the appeal, but I don't think that's what's keeping you awake."

Kate sighs. He knows her way too well. How can she begin to explain that his unleashed passion has humbled her, that until tonight she's never known what it was like to hold a man's heart in her hands? She has driven men crazy with lust, that she knows. She knows her own sex drive runs high, has experienced the desire to be fucked senseless...but she hadn't WANTED those men, hadn't felt like something was missing if they weren't there. With Rick, she wants him: his crazy theories, his smiles, the sweetness of his heart, his understanding. She wants the feel of him walking by her side, sitting next to her in the car...and crushing her against the door, his mouth ravaging hers, hands everywhere, beneath her in his bed, inside her with that dazed look of wonder & bliss.

Ironic how these guys, this Dragon, had been trying to take her life. Instead, they've helped her find it. She can't help but suspect that if she hadn't been shot and forced into therapy she would have never been truly ready for her & Rick. The killers have inadvertently helped her take her life back: to let go of the past, live in present, and to see a future for herself - her and Castle. Would she ever have confronted that wall, to have been able to see things so clearly, without that bullet through her chest?

Kate chuckles ruefully. It would have been nice if her vision had cleared BEFORE rushing to be kicked around and almost falling off a building, but it's not the first time she's nearly died. That wall had kept her from seeing so much, but tonight, when Ryan had pulled her up off the edge of the roof, the last of the wall had crashed down... Now, how to put her thoughts into words, because while her mind may process things a mile a minute, saying what she understands is something else entirely.

"I'm thinking about time...and you. I wish I could have...done this sooner."

Castle is quiet a moment.

"You know, my marriage to Meredith was a huge mistake. We're nothing alike. We didn't want the same things...but at the time I couldn't see that. The Paradox is -"

"- If you hadn't married her you wouldn't have Alexis."

"Exactly. As much as it hurt to realize...she was cheating, I can't regret that I married her."

"She cheated? ...God, Rick...she IS crazy."

Rick laughs at that, and she grins. It's nice to be the one making him laugh for a change. Impetuously she plants a playful smacking kiss on his mouth. However, Rick quickly changes the tempo to something soft and sweet and in it she feels the truth of it all, that nothing could have been different. When the break apart she's smiling down at him with misty eyes.

"It was worth it."

"What was?"

"Getting shot."

Castle whole body goes still.

"Excuse me."

"Like Meredith."

"That isn't what I meant by that! My God, Kate you almost died!"

She feels his arms tighten around her, hears the anguish in his voice. She wants to sooth him, but also wants him to understand...

"I almost died today, too, Rick, but I can't...regret it. It, all of it, is why I'm here now."

"We'd have gotten here eventually."

"Would we?"

She pulls out of his embrace and maneuvers so she's sitting up, her back against the headboard. Sighing, Castle does the same.

"When I got shot, you told me you loved me. Were you planning on telling me that?"

"Not fair, Kate."

"Ugh! Rick, I didn't mean it like that! Just listen, then you can argue."

"Fine."

He crosses his arms in front of him.

"You told me you loved me...and I believed you, but then when I woke up it was all tangled up with the shooting and Montgomery. Josh was there being an ass -"

She smiles at Castle's wide eyes and raised eyebrows, but he doesn't say anything.

"- my entire body hurt. Loud sounds terrified me and I felt nervous all the time. When I found out the department insisted I had to see a shrink I complained, but...it was a bit of a relief. It was Dr. Burke that helped me see how I didn't let people in, that I had that wall."

"That's his name, Dr. Burke?"

"Yeah...Rick, I honestly didn't know that wall was there. I knew I loved you, but -

" - Wait, you KNEW you loved me? When?"

Kate felt her face flush. She hadn't meant to get into this.

"It was complicated, Rick...I was good at denying my feelings and making excuses..."

"When."

"Before you left with Gina."

"But you were with Demmings."

"I was...but I ended with him when I realized despite my fears...I'd rather spend a weekend with you than him."

He looks perplexed.

"Why didn't..."

She sees the realization on his face and looks away. It shouldn't feel so humiliating that he knows. She's in his bed and they've made love twice and...

"Kate, I -

"It doesn't matter now, Castle."

"I wish I...hooking up with Gina again wasn't one of my brightest moves."

Kate shrugs.

"You like blondes."

Dear God, did that just pop out her mouth?

Rick's hand on her leg startles her and she turns back to look at him. His eyes are dark and fierce.

"Don't you ever, EVER, go blonde, Kate."

She nods.

"I wasn't planning on it."

"Good."

His thumb is making little circles on her thigh as his hand moves up higher and higher and higher. His eyes however are focused on her face, seemingly oblivious.

"For the record..."

Rick's voice is light and conversational, his mouth quirked into that cute little half-smile. Only his eyes, a deep glittering blue, betray the seriousness of his words.

"I actually prefer brunettes. Blondes have never really captured my heart. Makes them a heck of alot safer to date."

"Oh."

She really can't process his words because he's shifted to running his thumb up and down the line that joins her thigh to her pelvis and she's completely distracted by it. Is he going to touch her where she's suddenly burning, where she needs him to touch?

"That wasn't very convincing Kate."

His hand cups her center briefly, not touching it, not sliding in. She can't tear her eyes from his, can't think, can barely breathe, managing only quick, shallow breaths.

"I think I need to prove just how much I appreciate brunettes - especially smart, sexy, maddening ones."

His words penetrate the haze of being turned on. Prove? Kate grabs his wrist.

"Rick, you don't have anything to prove. I never thought I had to be blond to get your attention."

In a move that alot of women couldn't do with Kate's ease and grace, she is up on her knees straddling his thighs.

"You've always been clear on the fact that you want me. If anything, I should be the proving how much I want you."


	3. Eyes on the Prize

(SAME CHAPTER, JUST ADDED A DIVIDER)

Eyes on the Prize

Kate Beckett is stunning: knees stradling his legs , strong slender thighs leading to reddish brown silk... Even those horrible black, blue and purple bruises running down her side only highlight the golden light glow of her skin. The macabre necklace tattoo of handprints around her throat, more visible as her hair dries more into it's natural curls, can't destroy the sheer perfection of her breasts... Her voice is sexiness itself, a natural huskiness that makes every word seem like her bedroom voice. Only now he knows her bedroom is softer, breathier. The sound melts over him...the sound? Rick meets Kate's eyes, her sweet, adoring eyes (terms he never thought he'd be applying to Kate Beckett, but that he's has seen alot of tonight.) and tunes in to her words.

"... I should be the proving how much I want you."

"Kate you have -"

Her long, slender fingers curl around his shoulders. She's bracing herself as she leans into him.

"nothing to prove."

Soft Beckett lips against his, but then she's sliding away, kissing his neck,his shoulder, his chest, taking time there, long sucking kisses that are sending his blood speeding southward. Then, hands on his thighs she places light dotting kisses down to his stomach.

Too late he realizes she HAS been sliding, gently shifting her knees backwards,

so it's easy to push his legs apart, drop on her belly between them and -

"Oh God, that's amazing! "

Rick's head slams back against the bed's headboard as his hips jerk upward. Kate Beckett's mouth is on him in a way that is from his deepest fantasizes - and it's better than he's ever dreamed. Warm, wet, perfect suction, her grip on his base is firm pressure as her lips work down his length to where she grips, and then slowly back up, her tongue is wicked, swirling around the tip. He hears himself whimper, and FEELS her chuckle, the vibration making him pant and thrust. How the hell, given it's round three, could she bring him so close so fast? As if she heard him the warmth surrounding him leaves, and a strong thin jet of her breath hits him where her tongue had just been. The air tickles and burns so that he cries out.

"You like that, Castle?"

Oh, the knowing in that voice. He looks down and sees the mischief in her now. chocolate drop eyes. He nods, because she's too much of a vision her hair, her eyes, the curve of her shoulders the slope of her back...

Her back.

Her back is a mottled array of black, purple, blue, angry red, and even a few touches of green.

He gasps, but then can't speak. Kate has gone back to engulfing him in her mouth, and her other hand is cupping him underneath, doing gentle rhythmic squeezes and feather-like strokes with her thumb.

He's going insane. He can feel the pressure building fast, everything getting tighter, and her eyes, God, her eyes are bright and sparkling. She's enjoying it, and the specter of her back is fading. The pleasure is overwhelming, as is the love he senses flowing through her as she watches him. He's moaning and gasping, and, unbidden, his hips jerk forward.

"Close..."

He's warning her, not every woman... Oh...she sucking harder, speeding up, and her tongue is dancing against him as she does.

"Kate!"

He catches a glimpse of her eyes, and she's fucking AMUSED. Then his own eyes slam shut as fire races through his body and white stars flash before him. A groan, and then pulsing whiplashs of pleasure that tear something between a scream and a growl from his lips.

When he opens his eyes Kate is smiling up at him like the Mona Lisa.

"I knew you'd be amazing."

What? Kate Beckett just - and HE'S amazing?

She's up on her knees again, shifting off him. He scoots his butt down the bed so that he's lying on his back and Kate can snuggle against him. She doesn't though. Instead she sprawls on top of him like a blanket, the top of her head brushing softly against his chin. He wraps his arms around her, feels her flinch when he presses against her lower back.

That's when he remembers.

"Kate -"

"- It's not as bad as it looks Castle. The pain meds are wearing off some, that's all."

He doesn't quite believe her. The part about the meds makes sense, but...

"Did you goto the hospital?"

"Didn't need to. Paramedics said nothing was broken. Just some bruised ribs and vertebra. "

"Just? Those are still serious and damn painful, Kate."

"Not when you're pumped with adrenaline. Trying not to fall to your death tends to flood it through your system."

FALL TO HER DEATH?

He's horrified and angry and ashamed all at once. She could have died. She'd told him so when she'd shown up, but the specifics...damnit if she'd just LISTENED to him... Then again, he's also learned tonight how it's possible to know something beyond a doubt - only to later find out just how completely wrong you were. He'd been wrong about her reaction to his first "I love you;" wrong about Demmings, wrong about opening her mother's case in the first place.

"Castle."

"Yeah?"

"The sex endorphins help even more."

She's trying to distract him, make him smile. He can see that. He sees it because it's not working.

"Did they give you any pain medication you can take?"

There. He can sound calm, even reasonable. No need to allow the terror of what almost was to engulf him, betray the conflicting desire to hold her closer and sob and that of wanting to get up yelling about her insanity.

"In my jacket, but I'm way too comfortable right here to bother with it."

Since she's essentially got him pinned he can't go get it either.

Pain meds. Almost falling to her death. Bruises everywhere. She'd been somewhere where she'd gotten soaking wet in the rain. Yet she'd showed up at his door. Sorry she hadn't listened? Sorry she'd put her mother's case first. Hell, he was sorry he'd ever opened the damn thing. Sorry she'd spent a year in silent fear they'd come after her again. While she been hiding that she'd heard his words, he'd been hiding that she could be safe. Maybe...

"I'm fine, Rick. Stop thinking."

Her voice is sleepy, laced with humor. Her breathe is gentle breezes against him as she speaks, and it brings him back to the moment. Kate Beckett, the love of his life, is lying in his arms, naked. The hair he's always wanted to run his fingers through is feathered across his bare chest, the softness of her breasts press against him. Those incredible long shapely legs that he's literally seen stop traffic (she can deny it all she wants) have been wrapped around his hips, and are currently laying atop his own.

"Rick."

"You're the amazing one, Kate."

At that she shifts: props up on her elbows, links her fingers and rests her chin on the back of her hands.

"Do you remember the first time you asked me out?"

Really? He chuckles.

"Believe me, it's burned into my brain - and you were right. I definitely had no idea how good."

"That's how long I've been imagining that last little tryst."

He can't help it, his jaw drops open as he stares at her. She's doing that sexy Beckett eyes thing, with a tiny smile, as though she's reminiscing...

"Of course, I was imagining it in terms of of a way to shut you up."

He can't help but grin - Kate Beckett is still HIS Kate Beckett.

"Oh, that would have stopped conversation."

That makes her laugh. He so loves her laugh...only now she's stopped. Her eyes a soft spring green go serious As she briefly bites her lip.

"I knew that watching you - if I were to do what I was thinking - would be amazing... You're not the only one who's wanted this, Rick. I've always noticed you."

"I was a bit of a jerk then."

Yep, up go the eyebrows.

"You were pretty much being an absolute jerk, but..."

She takes one hand and her long slender fingers caress his cheek.

"It's not who you are now...I don't think it ever really was, you were just...hiding."

A soft, sweet, brush of a kiss touches his lips, her hair tickling the sides of his face.

"I'm sorry -"

"No more apologies, Kate."

He's shocked her. He didn't mean to be so forceful. He deliberately softens his tone.

"Kate...nobody is perfect. We've both made mistakes, misjudged... We hurt each other, and yea, it hurt, but we're here now - that's what matters."

"No, living in the past isn't good."

Her voice is so quiet as she speaks, She's holding his gaze and he sees the weight behind her words, all that she'd held on to, and has let go. He sees to that she really has. She's done with hunting. Completely done.

Before he can really puzzle out what he sees in her eyes, she drops another kiss on his lips and pushes up off him.

"Kate?"

Standing up she gives him a brief smile.

"Just gonna take those pain meds."

He watches as Kate finds her jacket, and pulls out the pocket a small silver strip of pills.

"I've got cups in the bathroom if you need water"

He points to the door leading to it and is rewarded with another smile.

"Thanks."

Her walk is slower than usual and worries that second time he'd gotten too rough,

Kate doesn't even turn around.

"Not your fault, Castle"

How she manages to sound sweet, melodic, and reprimanding all at the same time is another one of those mysteries he's never gonna solve and he feels his emotions welling up. The words fly out to her.

"I love you."

He stretches out the word love in a sing-songish way, trying to keep light.

"Right back at you, Rick."

His feels his eyes widen, even as the small knot of tension in his stomach relaxes. She loves him. Yes, he's felt her love for him all night, knows he hs her "one and done." Still, this is a bit more concrete. She loves him. She just somehow has a problem with the words.

Eventually, he knows that wall will also come down...and if not, well...all things considered, he'll be more than happy to live with it. Because words or not, she loves him.

_End of Chapter Three _

I know, I know - why doesn't she just say it already? I think she has her reasons (I'll be getting to that) but I think her actions Always, and the ones I've made up, really emphasize that she DOES love him. I have no doubt about her feelings, but she does have issues with words and direct emotions. That's going to take awhile to overcome. No one changes completely overnight, even after having an epiphany.

Thanks for all the reviews, favs and alerts. They are much appreciated!


	4. A Morning Buzz

A Morning Buzz

Softness...warmth...pressed against his back. A hand resting on his midsection rises and falls with his breath. He becomes aware of feeling peaceful, content, fufilled? Like after a night of really good - Rick's eyes snap open. Kate. The softness on his back are her breasts, the hand on his belly - hers. The memories flood him, the last being Kate emerging from the bathroom. He could see how tired she was in the slowness of her walk. Still Kate though. He'd loved the ease at which he walked towards him and the bed: no hiding the bruises or scars, just her, her body, her gentle smile. Her face was face was paler devoid of makeup, and surrounded by her natural curls, her wide eyes glowed a soft amber. She's beautiful.

He'd reached out his hand to her, pulled her in close and let his head rest on her stomach. Her hands stroked his hair for bit, before asking him what side he wanted to sleep on. He'd rolled over to the other side of the bed, and she'd curled up against his back.

She must have held him all night.

Even now her arm tightens around him when he tries to move. He manages to glance at the clock. It's nearly 10am. When had they gone to bed? 2am, or was it 3? He doubts Kate's due in for work this morning. Gates is strict, but not unkind. Still, Alexis will be coming home in a couple of hours and he and Kate need to talk beforehand. He's pretty clear he and Kate are together now, but how together he isn't sure. Also, he needs to know exactly what happened yesterday, and what to tell Alexis about it.

Carefully he lifts the arm around his waist and lays it on her side. When she doesn't stir he smiles and rolls away onto his stomach.

"What time's it."

Heavy and slightly slurred with sleep, Kate's voice is sexier than he'd imagined in all his fantasies involving her waking up in his bed. He turns his head to look at her. A peek of her nose and the lashes of the eye not covered by the dark tousled curls falling against her cheek are all he can see. She's adorable.

"Early, unless you're due at the prescient."

Her silence is long. He can't believe Gates would be so insane to.

"I guess it's early then...wake me up for breakfast."

With that she rolls onto HER stomach and buries her face into the pillow.

He can't help but chuckle as he sits up.

"Woman, the assumptions you make."

"Umhmm."

Even asleep, her tone is knowing and amused. He grins widely at her sleeping form before getting up and heading to his kitchen.

Once there, he contemplates what to make for breakfast. Pancakes are obvious - but what KIND of pancakes? Regular old pancakes simply will not do. Banana? Chocolate chip? Blueberry...

Just then there's a buzz on the door intercom. What the heck? Last night Eduardo had let Kate up because she is on his permanent clear list. He'd thought it was his mother having forgotten her keys, or maybe an impromtu visit from one of the guys... Whoever this is, Eduardo has never seen them. Rick walks to the door and hits the speaker button.

"What's up Eduardo?"

"There's a Victoria Gates here to see you."

Gates? Here? He frantically scans the living room for any signs of Kate's stuff. No, all clothes had come off in his bedroom.

"Okay. Send her up."

Gates? What the hell was Gates doing at his place at 10am in the morning.

"Rick?"

Fuck, Kate's awake, and Gates is probably in the elevator. He practically runs back into the bedroom.

She's not just awake - she's sitting up. As he takes in the vision, whatever he was going to say leaves him: still sleepy green eyes, slightly swollen lips, tousled curls that fall against her shoulders and perfect, PERFECT, perky breasts.

"Who's coming up?"

"Huh?"

Kate rolls her eyes - although the tiny upturn of her lips betray her pleasure at his besotted state.

"The intercom buzzer woke me up, and then I heard you say, 'send her up.' So who's coming up? Paula?"

Wow. She seems unperturbed at the idea of Paula finding her at his place at ten o'clock in the morning. Good to know, but -

"No, it's Gates."

"Gates?"

She's wide awake now, eyes snapping in annoyanc as she swings out of bed.

"What the hell does she want with you?"

Sorrowfully he watches her grab her bra off the floor and start to put it on. Wait, she's getting DRESSED?

"What are you - shouldn't you, uhmm, HIDE?

Kate who has just found her pants, pauses. She straightens up slowly, pants in hand. Her eyes are unreadable to him, which tips him off that something's...

"I resigned Rick. It doesn't matter if she knows about us."

Rick feels his jaw drop. His mind barely registers that she called them an "us."

"You, you -"

The sound of the doorbell interrupts him. Kate, in her usual take charge way, rapidly scans the floor, finds his boxers and tosses them to him.

"The robe's fine but I don't want her accidentally seeing EXACTLY what you're packing, Castle."

She's humorous and possessive all at once, effectively distracting him from the shock of her resignation. With raised eyebrows and a grin he slips them on. The doorbell rings again.

"Better go let her in, Rick. Find out what she wants."

He nods, and turns go, but turns back to look at her quizzically.

"You resigned?"

"I'll tell you all about it later - just go."

He walks out to get the door, his mind racing. Kate Beckett is no longer a police dectective, Kate Beckett is now his lover. Captain Gates is outside his door. What in the hell happened yesterday? He opens his door to Gates. She's impeccably dressed as usual - clearly in work mode. She briefly takes in his attire.

"I apologize for having to interrupt your morning, Mr Castle."

Her voice is crisp and business-like - as usual. But things are not usual...

END OF CHAPTER

I thought about having Gates visit be a part of this chapter, but decided to let this be more transitional. Castle has no idea just how not usual things are going to get! Thanks for sticking with this. Let me know what you think. :)


	5. Party of Three

Party of Three

She'd been determined not to let the woman get to her. Not her toughness or reputation was gonna make her crack. She had a mission, a promise made many years ago - long before she's been at the 12th prescient and long before ever meeting Richard Castle. Funny how things change.

Vicky Gates doesn't betray her thoughts as she watches Richard Castle try to figure out how to react. The man really could be amusing - especially when he wasn't even trying. Vicky understood how Kate Beckett fell for him her Charles had charmed the pants off her - figuratively and literally. As partners on patrol they'd felt like superheroes, hiding their true identity as lovers from the brass, defying the odds. She'd been sassy and tough then, before her lover's murder took the sass right out of her.

"Good Morning...Sir... To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need to speak with Dectective Beckett:"

"Beckett?"

Vicky almost laughed at the slight squeak in his voice. Even if she hadn't had a detail on Beckett all night, the robe certainly didn't hide the hickeys on his neck, nor the vauge musky scent one has after a night of really good sex.

Mr. Castle, yesterday the man who shot Dectective Beckett a year ago left her to die hanging off the roof of a very tall building. Do you think I'd let one of my people wander around this city without some kind of protection?"

"I'm not 'one of your people' anymore."

Ah, there she is. Vicky turns to the sound of Kate Beckett's voice. This time she can't quite stop the corners of her lips from turning up, just a little. Her dectective is wearing what appears to be Mr. Castle's blue dress shirt - and nothing else. Her eyes glare out defiantly, even with messy hair and a reddened mouth that scream "been kissing for hours."

"Good Morning, Dectective."

Oh dear God! Kate in one of his shirts and nothing else - another fantasy checked off the list. However, his appreciation is short-lived as Iron Gates was NOT part of those fantasies, and Kate's fury is palpable.

"I'm not a dectective anymore."

Gates chuckles at Kate's words, seemingly unfazed by the venom behind them.

"Even if I accepted your resignation you'd still be a dectective, Beckett."

"I'm not worthy of wearing the badge - remember?"

Ouch. Things must have gotten pretty ugly at the prescient yesterday.

Gates eyes actually seem to soften a bit.

"I apologize for that, dectective. I was angry you'd go and do something so absolutely foolish, but I understand a bit more of the circumstances now. It STILL was foolish and out of line, but...you've been under alot of stress, and still dealing with PTSD -"

"WHAT?"

"I know you've continued to see Dr. Burke. So when I do -"

"How do even know - "

"I'm the captain, dectective. Insurance is part of my paperwork."

Rick saw the flicker of relief in Kate's eyes, and feels it echo in himself. Even though his heart had been in the right place, and he honestly doesn't know if he could have done it differently, he knows it was still a kind of betrayal. He'd rather not have her experience another one in less than 48 hours - especially not her THERAPIST.

"So you're assuming that -"

"Dectective, you nearly died yesterday. It's my job to make sure that people don't go around thinking it's okay to kill police officers."

"I'm not -"

"Irregardless of whether you are NOW a member of the force at the time of the attack you were. Furthermore you are the only witness in this case. A case where the perpetrator is still at large and has made two attempts on your life. I need to know what happened on that rooftop."

"Rick -"

"Coffee. You got it. Sir?"

"Thank you. I take it black."

This is not the way Kate had planned on spending the morning. Her vision had been more along the line of coffee, pancakes, and a shower - with Rick. Instead she's got Iron Gates asking her to go over a situation she wanted to forget. Worse, Gates is right. It had been a foolish move on her part, and once Maddox sees there's no story in the paper about a cop falling to her death... he'll come after her again. The thought drops into her stomach like stone. She's escaped death at his hand twice, but third time's...

"Rick will be out with coffee in a minute, I'm a bit undressed for an interrogation, so -"

Kate gestures towards the bedroom she'd come out of. To her horror, Victoria Gates actually smiles.

"By all means dectective."

"I'm not a dectective anymore."

"You'll always be a dectective - badge or not."

Okay, it is too early to be dealing with this, and she hasn't had coffee, so Kate just glares before turning to go into Rick's bedroom.

"Kate?"

Rick is walking back into the living room, coffees in hand.

"Just gonna put some clothes on."

She can't help but smile at Rick's automatic sound of distress. The man has no censor, especially when it comes to her body - and she loves him for it.

Gates be damned, she is NOT a detective anymore. She walks over to him, takes the coffee with the milk in it from him and places a soft, quick kiss on his mouth.

"Thanks for the coffee."

Without even a glance at Gates, Kate turns and walks into his bedroom.

End of Chapter

Sorry for the slow updates. Had a bit of writers block, but that is cleared up now! The show is back filming now - they are shooting the post-Always episode. Whoo-hoo! I can't wait!


	6. New Variables

New Variables

"So...is that...new, Mr. Castle?"

.Oh my, he'd forgotten Gates was even in the room.

"Uh, what? Umm...

With a hint of a smile on her face, Gates tips her head slightly towards his bedroom.

"Ummm...yeah...it's...new."

"Guess I lost the office pool then. My thoughts were that you'd been together a while - before I even got here."

Castle's brain hits information overload. In the last 24 hours Kate had accepted a date from him - but then they fought, and he'd broken up with her. (Although, yeah they weren't technically together, but still.) He's watched his daughter graduate from high school, and had Kate Beckett show up at his door saying he was the only thing she wanted - and then show him just how much she really, _really_ wanted him. Now Victoria Gates is in front of him saying she'd assumed...

"You thought we were together the whole time?"

"Yes. You seemed far too intimate and in synch to not be involved outside of the precinct."

It really is all too much. She could have kicked him out, or at least tried, but she hadn't. He can't wrap his mind around this.

"So...have you eaten? I was about to whip up some pancakes"

"Oh, no thank you, Mr Castle. Coffee's fine. But don't stop on my account, I'm sure this won't take long."

"Umm...well, no, it can wait."

Gates has this...gleam in her eyes. Almost like she wants to...smile.

"So...Mr. Castle, how do make your pancakes?"

Huh. Gates wants to talk recipes? Fine. He can do that.

"It depends. For the old-fashion buttermilk kind I'll use regular flour, but for apple or banana I like the whole grain or buckwheat -gives it more texture. Then -"

"-So you make them the old-fashioned way. Impressive."

She smiles at him. Holy cow, batman, Gates is SMILING. AND at HIM.

Then she chuckles.

"Even I appreciate a good romance, Mr. Castle - just not in my precinct."

Oh.

"And a man who cooks is every woman's dream. She's got quite a catch."

Did she just -

"Yes, Mr. Castle, that was a compliment, but tell anyone and I will deny it."

It's his turn to chuckle, and Gates does too. Of course, she doesn't know that part of the reason he is has to do with the fact that, at various times, Kate has said nearly the exact same thing to him. Apparently Iron Gates and his Kate have more in common than he thought.

"Deny what?"

He and Gates turn at the sound of Beckett's voice. Considering how put together she looks when called to a crime scene he shouldn't have been surprised at how quickly she'd transformed.

Her hair's wet, but up in a long ponytail. Apparently she'd managed a two minute shower. Sadly, she's no longer braless, but is still wearing one of his shirts. Not the one she'd had on before (the one she'd stripped off him last night), she's raided his closet and had on his purple button down. It hangs loosely to mid - thigh, where it hits the black of her wrinkled pants... She hadn't exactly exactly neatly hung them up to dry.

She looks cute. He can't help but smile at that. Beckett would shoot him if he ever called her cute...only she no longer has a gun.

KB

It's nice to catch Gates off guard for a change. The woman blinks, but then smiles.

"That I'm a sucker for a good pancake recipe."

Pancakes? Kate feels her cheeks go pink. Rick was talking to her about pancakes? Granted she had been the one to bold kiss Rick in front of Gates, but somehow discussions of their morning after breakfast seems like too much information.

"Don't worry Detective, I won't keep you long from breakfast. I just need the specifics of what happened on the roof."

"How did you know I'd be here? Or did you check my apartment first?"

"The man who attacked you got the drop on a former special ops soldier and managed to nearly toss one of the best detectives on the force off of a 20 story building. How could I NOT have a detail on you?"

"I resigned."

"So you said. That was the first indication to me that you...were not yourself."

"Actually, I feel the most myself than I have in... a long time."

" 14 years?"

Kate's not answering that. She knows Ryan had to tell Gates everything, but -

"Look, I know what it's like - "

What. The. Fuck. An icy rage races through Kate, and the coolness slows her words, makes her voice quiet and calm, almost casual.

"No. No, you don't. Is your mother alive, or was she stabbed to death and left out like trash? Was she killed for some god knows what kind of conspiracy protecting some secret criminal organization? Are the same people trying to kill you too?"

"Not yet."

"Excuse me?"

" From what Ryan told me, they went after you because they discovered you were after them... They've had no idea that I've been after them."

She hears Castle's sharp intake of breath, but her eyes are trained on Gates.

"You see, IA can mask a lot of digging around."

She has to be bluffing, but Kate keeps herself from rolling her eyes.

"Digging around? For what?"

"My patrol partner was due at an IA hearing regarding Sergeant Thomas's assault when he was found stabbed to death in Central Park. It appeared to have been a mugging - his wallet and watch were taken. After that, the case was thrown out and Thomas went free."

"But you didn't buy it was a mugging"

Castle. She'd forgotten he's in the room. Apparently so had Gates.

"No. I didn't. But I couldn't prove anything either. The one thing I was sure of was that if I showed a hint of suspicion I would be next. Less than 3 months later Thomas was gunned down by some 'friendly fire' during a sting operation that went wrong."

"Why didn't you buy it?"

"Castle."

"Well, it's not like her. No facts, no case Gates? There had to be -"

"He's right. There was something. Thomas didn't walk because Bert was killed. He walked because apparently Bert had renounced his testimony. Said it was all a misunderstanding. Left a voicemail for his lawyer."

"Maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought."

"Kate."

Castle's voice is gentle. He knows her too well. Knows how she snaps when she's upset. Knows she doesn't want to hear any more about this case and this damn Dragon.

"I knew him better than anyone...we were lovers. Crazy in love. I'd left his bed that afternoon, and I KNOW. He didn't leave that message willingly."

The shock is intense. Iron Gates had been sleeping with her partner. Ms. By the book, no romance in her precinct, Gates.

"Oh, and the 'friendly fire' that took Thomas out? That was an OFFICER Raglan. He made detective six months later."

Fuck.

END OF CHAPTER

Sorry for the long wait. Got a bit blocked, and then I developed carpal tunnel syndrome. :( Still, I am obviously still writing. Text to talk is a bit of a pain though. Here's the usual "all the characters belong to Andrew marlowe and ABC. I don't own them. Also, (I'm sure you noticed) we are going AU for after Always.

So...what do you think of Vicky? :)


	7. Full Circle

Full Circle

Rick is worried. Kate's affect is almost flat as she describes the events she'd merely glossed over last night. She is thourogh and detailed: Punches that have no impact, being thrown against the wall, kicked in the stomach, nearly strangled... His writer's imagination has no problem creating the images, and he's glad he hasn't eaten yet.

She keeps calling Maddox "The suspect" - as there was any kind of doubt.

"...and then he said, 'We know exactly who we're dealing with' and walked away. I'm not sure exactly how long I was there before I heard...Ryan calling. It couldn't have been more than two minutes."

TWO MINUTES! Last night the image of her hanging on the edge of a roof had been vivid and he'd gotten mad, but this... Now that he understands the state she'd been in BEFORE nearly falling to her death, it brings up stomach-churning terror & grief that has him coughing and gagging.

"Waaater."

He manages the word before running into the kitchen and dry-heaving into the sink.

After, he turns on the faucet, splashes water on his face, cups his hands and swallows a mouthful. 'I nearly died' she'd said. She hadn't been exaggerating. He doesn't know why he thought she could have been. Kate Beckett never does.

"Rick."

She must be right behind him. Her voice is soft, her words knowing him all too well.

"I held on for you...thinking about you saved my life."

"K,K,Kate."

He's gasping and trying not to sob aloud. He feels her hands at his waist and then she's pulling, turning him around.

"I did not die yesterday, Rick. And YOU are the once who's supposed to believe in fate."

Fate? Kate's eyes are a bright crystal green, shiny and fierce as they stare into his.

"I didn't die, Rick. I learned what I wanted to live for. If that's what it took to for me to knock that last bit of wall down...I'm not sorry. So you don't get to be sorry either - unless you're sorry about last night.

Sometimes he forgets just how pragmatic she can be. Once she makes a decision, she doesn't dwell or look back. She's so different from him that way...

"Are you?"

"Sorry? God, no, Kate. You know I -"

Then he catches the tiny smirk on her lips. She'd seen him start to ruminate and pulled him out of it."

"Guess I'm still easy, huh."

"Yep."

She smiles, then reaches up and brushes the tears off his cheek.

"I love that about you."

He kisses her. There's no way he could have not, not with the softness in her eyes, the huskiness of her voice. His lips are on hers and his tongue immediately claims her mouth. She is his. His Kate. She loops her arms up around his neck but like dancing, lets him lead. She tastes minty and sweet, and he can feel her smile. He is kissing her and she is kissing back...

Until she isn't. He murmurs a protest as she slowly pulls away.

"You know..."

She starts toying with the belt on his robe.

"I didn't bother with underwear."

Her smile is suggestive, and Rick feels his body taking the suggestion. His brain however is concerned.

"Gates is still here."

"I can keep it quiet."

No, she can't. Not if last night was any indication. More to the point _he _can't. There's a reason Alexis's room isn't on the same floor as his. She's doing tiny sucking kisses along his neck and he feels his resolve weakening.

"Kate..."

"I'm not a detective anymore."

Her words are like a bucket of icewater dumped on his head. The pieces click into place. The way she'd come out in just his shirt - when actually he'd SEEN her getting dressed before. He'd just been too besotted to think about it. The kiss on the mouth when she'd gone back in to "get dressed" and now she's trying to seduce him with Gates two rooms away.

"You don't need to prove it, Kate."

"Prove what?"

"That you've resigned. I'm sure Gates gets that - and so do I."

He's pissed her off, but it's okay."

"Wanting to jump your bones has nothing to do with Gates, or my job! Do you think last night was -"

"- NO! I don't think last night was about that, but you flaunting the fact we're together? That's not your MO, that's mine! "

That gives her pause, earns him an eyeroll and smile despite herself.

"Why did you come out in just my shirt?"

Kate blushes furiously and lowers her lashes.

"Because...when I put the pants on, the underwear...I-smelled-like-sex."

Rick's eyes widen and a slow grin crosses his face.

Kate smacks his chest.

"Shut up."

VG

Kate Beckett has it bad. At the sound of Rick Castle losing whatever contents might have been in his stomach she'd turned sharply towards the sound, a sad concerned expression on her face. "I need to check on him" she'd said, and walked quickly out the room.

She supposes that's part of what makes her a such a good cop. Somehow, despite losing her mother she hadn't buried her heart or lost her passion.

"I had no choice."

Her voice whispers the words in her head. Bert had always been more of a hothead, but after his death, his murder, she'd wanted to in, guns blazing, and blow sergeant Thomas's head off. She'd sat in her room contemplating it, until her father - he'd still been alive then - came in and saw her holding her gun.

"Vicky...I am sorry about Bert, but going and blowing the head off Thomas won't help."

"You don't believe the mugging story?"

"I've been a cop way too long to buy that story - but there's no proof - so no point dwelling on it."

"I can find the proof!"

"Babygirl, one good cop's already gone - don't need another one sitting in jail or buried in the ground."

"What is the point of being a good cop if - "

"Because, over time, playing by the rules gets the ones who don't - and when you STOP playing by the rules - it eventually comes and bites you on the ass."

Something in the way he said it had given her pause. She hadn't thought her father knew about her and Bert, but the way he lingered over, "when you stop playing by the rules" made her think he probably did.

"He was more than a good cop, daddy. He was a good man."

"I'm sure he was...good men come in all colors."

Oh, he definitely had known, and she realized that all her fears over what he'd say when she finally was able to tell him had been for nothing. It just was wasted time. She'd put down the gun, ran into her father's arms, and sobbed.

One year later he died in a shootout during a robbery. They caught the guy, but she still always wondered...Her father had been the only person who known what she'd lost, who knew about her broken heart, had guessed about Thomas. The unfairness of it all had caved in on her. Her mother tried to be helpful, but they'd always been at odds. Her mother, frilly and petite, had never been thrilled that her only daughter had become a cop.

However, she did borrow a page from her mother's playbook, and that was how to get ahead. Her mom had moved up from a receptionist job to being the Gatekeeper for the CEO of one of the largest law firms in the country. She'd watched her work insane hours, drag her father to an endless amount of company Christmas parties: dressed to impress and ready to schmooze. Vicky had needed a goal, a plan, and bringing down the people who murdered Bert became it. She knew the only way she could begin to find out who they were would be working in IA...and Victoria "Iron" Gates had been born...

KB

Kate leaves Castle in the Kitchen to calm down - literally. There is more than one reason to call him the white whale. His current state, when wearing nothing but boxers under a bathrobe, would definitely announce the OTHER reason why. She needs to not think to much about this, because honestly, she hadn't been thinking about flaunting her new relationship to Gates. She hadn't been thinking at all.

Kissing Castle now, it's not like the undercover kiss - which had blown her away. Still, the threat of the guys being murdered, of her and Castle being murdered, had given her mind an anchor to keep her tethered to reality. With her job gone, her decisions made, there are no blocks to the passion Rick ignites in her. Having him last night, her body, despite the soreness from pleasant and very unpleasant activities, is hungry for more.

Would she feel that way if she were still a dectective? Or would thoughts about her career have blocked the wantonness she'd been feeling?

Why is she speculating on this?

"Because you're not an exhibitionist."

The voice in her head is mild but clear. As bad as she wants Castle, letting ANYONE listen in on her sexual activities isn't her thing. The undercover moment had bene a ruse, the initial contact certainly shocking her with the intensity of desire that shot through her. It was the pretense of moment that then allowed her to continue and let go a bit. Normally though, she'd never even kiss if she thought someone was watching.

Maybe Rick has a point...

She pads softly into the living room. Gates seems lost in thought.

"Is he alright?"

Kate startles, as Gates' hasn't turned around to ask the question, but her tone seems... concerned.

"He's fine."

There's an awkward silence and then Gates turns. They both speak at once.

"I know you were upset yesterday -"

"What did you mean by -"

"You first dectective."

Kate decides to let the "detective" slide.

"You said they weren't trying to kill you 'yet'."

"I've been off their radar for 20 years. This case will put me on it."

"Because you have to investigate this case."

"I don't have to. In fact, I suspect they were counting on me to not do so."

"I don't see how -

"- As you know, detective, I have quite the reputation. 'Iron' Gates from IA... Your actions yesterday got the reaction from me that anyone connected to the force would expect. My focus would be expected to be on making you an example, not on the 'why' of what the alleged suspect did. Once I start investigating this case -"

"They'll see you as a threat,"

"Exactly."

"You don't _have_ to investigate."

"No, I suppose I could pretend this is just a regular case. And when they find YOUR body stabbed to death in an alley -"

"- That's what will happen if I'm on the force. What they want is me to walk away f-"

"What they want is you dead."

"NO. That is not happening."

Rick apparently has physically calmed down.

"Castle -"

"- I am not letting them kill you. We made a deal, and -"

"Mr. Castle!"

Whoa. Gates does have a way of shutting him down.

"Do you really think the devil honors deals? Or even makes them honorably?"

"They didn't go after her."

"They COULDN'T go after her. Not with some kind of blackmail material floating around. Ryan brought me up to speed on the break in. Why would they take an old computer and photo albums?

"Copies of the information?"

"And that would help them how, Mr. Castle? A copy certainly wouldn't help them stop the blackmailer."

"Christmas card addresses."

The words tumble out of Beckett's mouth unexpectedly as the picture clicked into place. It didn't before...because she hadn't known about the deal then. She feels numb as the ramifications hit her.

"They're trying to find who Roy sent the information to - trying to put names to faces, and then to where they live."

"And once they find that person -"

" - They'll be coming after me."

She looks at Castle, see the paleness of his cheeks. He sees it too, sees the ramifications. Still, she says the words. She has to, otherwise, it just won't seem real."

"That's why they made the deal, Castle. They wanted to stop me from finding them before they found out who the blackmailer was. Once they have that - they'll have no reason not to kill me."

Kate turns her gaze to Gates; she can't deal with Rick's devastation yet, nor her own.

"How is my being on the force going to make any difference? You're not going let me investigate anyway."

"Consult perhaps, but no, you wouldn't be directly involved. However, I can get you, Mr. Castle, and his family a hell of a lot more protection as a member of the force than I can if you're a civilian."

Castle's family. Oh dear God, no...she hadn't even thought of that.

"I could also give you back your gun."

Her gun. Like that will make a difference against a sniper. Still, there really isn't a choice. Not going back Castle and his family could be sitting ducks. She has to go back. Oh, the irony.

She meets Gates eyes, surprised that there seems to be no gloating there. Kate nods slightly, resigned to her...fate.

"Thank you...Captain."

End of Chapter

Okay, don't hate me! Marlowe did say there'd be some challenges to the relationship, but that they were in it. I don't think he meant just things like leaving the toilet seat up. :D

Thanks for sticking with this and for all the reviews, favs, and follows. They really are appreciated, and seeing them pop up in my e-mail have been great reminders for me to WRITE.

I will try to update as quickly as possible...However, my pacing does seem a bit more suited to Cable than Broadcast. Mad Men, a 18 month hiatus for 13 episodes. Yep. I'm a cable writer. :D (Actually, I'm just an amateur... :P )

Hands are still carpal tunneled, but I'm getting better. :)

FIVE MORE WEEKS UNTIL SEASON FIVE! WHOO HOO!


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